Tiffany Tuesday

Home after work, I found Stacy and Jessica sound asleep. Stacy had said earlier that she would like to come to Tiffany Club with me tonight. I was expecting her to be ready to go (and Jessica not ready yet, but wanting to come too.) I wanted to get there relatively early, so I didn’t wake them, just grabbed a couple of things and left. Stopped in my favorite sub shop on the way there and got a ham and cheese, walked out the door of the sub shop just in time to miss a 70 bus. The next bus came just as I was finishing the first half of my sandwich. I got to Tiffany Club by 7:30. Not bad.

It turned out to be a really great night there. Paula’s account of the night that she posted online mentioned several new girls, which I sadly didn’t talk to, but there was a good crowd of regulars, and a number of other people I knew that were pleasant surprises. Regulars I remember were Janet, Paula, Laura, Joan, Francis, Becka, Asta, and Terri, Nn, pretty sure Jennifer showed up later too. The first surprise to walk in was Mike. A total surprise because he’s suppose to be still resting after his surgery. I ran and gave him a big hug. Not too much of a surprise was Tori, because I had emailed her and encouraged her to come. Sharon was a surprise. June was a surprise. And following Mike by nearly two hours, I think, was Natasha.

I guess I missed the new girls because while most people stayed in the dining room, I spent most of the evening in the living room, talking TS issues with Terri, Tori, and a few others. The issue I was exploring was how TSs maintain a support network. I’ve been struck by how rich the support network can be for cross dressers, and how thin it often is for TSs. The theory I tossed out was that CDs get together for social events as an excuse to go out dressed, so these social events bring them together. TSs, on the other hand, have no need for “excuses to go out dressed” and therefore socialize with each other much less. Tiffany Club is a rare thing.

New to me and TC was having my new camera along! I really wanted to be Ashley and collect lots of pictures, but I’m afraid I did a poor job. I snapped pictures of just a few people at the end of the night. I’ll have to get much braver.

New Englad Transgender Pride

Saturday morning my alarm went off at 7:00 am. Gosh…first time I’ve used an alarm clock in some time. Up, dressed in pink shorts and a Boston Pride tank top, I was off to meet Ethan and Karen at the Alewife Station at 8:00 to go to the first New England Transgender Pride March and Rally in Northampton, Massachusetts. Karen drove and Ethan an I jabbered and we were there at the rally site uneventfully and comfortably early.

Immediately I spotted a few people I knew, like Danielle and Terri, and had to run and socialize. There was also time for me to sit and do a little makeup, which I’d skipped before heading out the door. I go out so often without makeup, these days, but gosh it makes a difference. I get compliments when I wear it! Knowing that I look more feminine helps me feel more “complete” as a woman too. Is it just silly CD performance? In conversations with a couple of different people during the day, they explained to me that their desire to express these superficial signs of femininity is part of their fundamental identity. Superficial or not, that’s not just perfermance, it’s who we are. Err, sorry, a little digression there.

Ethan and I walked with Gunner down to the parade staging ground where we saw for the first time just how many people were showing up. There were *lots* of marching groups with banners, and yes, from all over New England. I was happy to March with the Massachusetts Trangender Political Coalition, like I did for Boston Pride last year and held my sign up high and proudly. A few people MTPC smiled and commented that I was really good at holding the sign, but of course you can’t just be amused, you have to follow, so it was cool to see our rather large MTPC contingent energetically hoisting our signs in the air througout the parade. We got lots of sympathetic honking from traffic along the route, and it was great to see the sidewalks on the last few blocks, through the central part of town, just packed with people out to watch and applaud and support us.

The weather had been cool and grey in the morning just right about up to noon for the start of the parade. The sun broke through the clouds then so weather for the parade was absolutely beautiful and perfect. Very unfortunately then, the heat skyrocketed leaving the rally site, an unshaded asphalt parking lot intolerable to most people for much of the afternoon rally presentations. Some retreated to the edges of the parking lot where there were small shade trees. I’m afraid too many retreated to the air conditioned shops and restaurants of Northampton. I toughed it out in the sun, independent idiot that I am. I had SPF 45 and 55 sunscreen, I was hydrated, so I sat and listened and yes, I really enjoyed listening to all the different messages from the speakers. It was amazing to me that after two years of exploring the transgender community I was still running into such new ideas. It was informative and validating both.

I ran into so many people I knew during the day, and some that I just barely knew. One couple recognized me from MySpace and said hello. Genevieve was one of several people that complained that we had made friends but now I never answer emails. *sigh* My friends are all so wonderful and they deserve so much more. One girl said hello and remembered me from Laurel the night before. “Oh hi! Amy, right?” I came up with. She was the one that had invited me to Dykemarch. Fun.

A brave few of us broiled in front of the stage for the first three hours, but then some afternoon rain clouds began to appear, providing sunshine relief for us and making it possible for others coming back from shopping to join us. This was cool because some of the bigger name speakers were scheduled toward the end of the program, so the folding chairs in the parking lot really began to fill up later in the afternoon. It was cool that people really wanted to hear this stuff and hadn’t completely bailed on the whole day when it was so hot for a little while there. For the closing entertainment by All The Kings Men, the place looked packed. The rally ended as the first few little rain drops fell.

Ethan, Karen, and I attended GLAD’s very nice reception then at a local lounge. I struggled a little bit to socialize but found a few people to have fascinating conversations with. The shrimp cocktail and cheese and fruit was wonderful too.

The ride home was mostly silent as we were all wiped out. Ethan and I dozed. I have no idea how Karen got us home. I feel bad that I didn’t chat Karen up more. I wasn’t doing a good job of being female. She impressed me in so many ways and I didn’t compliment her on anything, barely tried to strike up conversation, and, I’m afraid acted like a guy. *sigh* The day was fantastic and wonderful though. Ethan and Karen gave me a great gift: to take me along with them for this day.

Eek! Pre-makeup pics, above.

Here’s blog coverage I liked: Reiter’s Block. Insightful observations from a non-trans person.

Pre op

Here is my last photo before my tracheostomy. That’s no adam’s apple, It’s a tumor. Under my chin, the sides of my neck, also bulging swollen lymph nodes. This was at Tiffany Club on a Tuesday. I had surgery the next day. Photo was by Terri. I had fun hanging with her and talking with her that night, as well of course many others. I really should pay my dues and join. I’ve been enjoying that group a lot.

Last Dance

Slept very late Saturday, woke up, and it was time to start getting ready to go to Randolph Country Club. Incorrigible, aren’t I? A message on the answering machine from Daphne asked me to call. I know she had hoped to take me home with her after she got off work. I had promised to call and let her know and I hadn’t called. It was about 6pm when I called her back. I was done and ready to walk out the door. She was explaining that she had to fix some dinner, then get ready. Her second preference was that I ride with Stephanie, so I promised to call Stephanie. I got her on the phone grocery shopping, saying that she would be home in half an hour to fix dinner and get ready to go out. I thanked her, but made it clear that I was headed straight to the club on my own.

Getting there was relatively uneventful, but I did get some negative attention on the train ride toward Ashmont. A group of teenagers was delirious with laughter. I got the idea that they generally found something funny to laugh about on their way home, and today it was simply my presence that was providing a good part of their amusement. A couple of guys felt the need to look tough in the face of this outing of a tranny and one of them threw a punch in the air as walked by me to get off of the train, saying “fucking dude!” That was the end of that, but it left me thinking of the nonsense in his exclamation. I imagined a little scene where he said that without running away and I came back with “dude? are you fucking blind?” “You see this guy here?” as I gesture to the tough looking guy next to me, “This is a dude. Now, you see the difference?” “Dude,” pointing to him. “Tranny,” gesturing to myself. Now you wanna tell this guy to his face that you think he’s the same as me? Let me step aside first.” *sigh* Imagination is fun. With the cowardly hater off the train, attention turned to a guy rapping at the far end of the car. He was up for a battle but with no one on the train stepping up to contest him, he was just targeting riders at random. I was watching him of course. He hadn’t seen me. The big guy next to me offered me reassurance, “He’s harmless, he’s just an artist.” “Yeah, and he’s got no competition here” I added, paying respect to the rapper.

Around 8:30, I was, in fact, the first t-girl to arrive at RCC. Yeah, for once I was there early and would have lots of time to visit. I sat at the bar with the crowd of regulars for not long at all before the first girls showed up, the “New York” girls, (although they’re not all from New York) Paige, Katie, Katie, and Brit. After wandering around a bit, we settled at table. I had forgotten Brit, but she remembered me. Paige had forgotten me, but I remembered her. That kind of thing is all fine and understandable when you just meet briefly at these things. These four are young and pretty and have dazzling wit. I, *sigh*, don’t quite fit in with them, but they were happy to adopt me for a bit. And a bit is all it was before girls I knew better started streaming in the door. One surprise was Terri. I thought she was in Florida. Another very nice surprise was Jean. I kept up then, for most of the night, noticing each girl that came in and making some time to talk with her. One, Gina, turned out to be at RCC for the first time. I called Vonnie over to meet her and the two of them had a nice long conversation. Vonnie also told me all about the RCC Halloween party and I confessed to her where I was over Halloween. I think Stephanie got there 10ish, and Daphne 11ish. One girl I was very glad to meet and talk to for a bit was Lace. I explained to her amusement my theory of how she was my great aunt because she had been dressing and coming to parties like this so much longer than me. I also found her later on the dance floor by herself and I dance for a few minutes with her. Mm, experience shows. Her movement is beautifully fluid. I so wish I could do that. The night before at Rumor, one of the girls was even trying to coach me at one point, modeling movements and grabbing my hips to show me how I should be moving. *sigh* Now see? That’s the way to learn. No inhibition, just practice, practice, practice. I bought one drink for myself. Jean bought me one, and, was that all? Someone else might have bought me one but I can’t remember. I think Wendy offered but then didn’t. I did ask Wendy for a ride home though, and she obliged. My head was clear enough that I was remembering that I needed to be back at my office by noon in case the girl from the co-op was going to call me back. We kind of took the long way back before dropping me off at Alewife. At Wendy’s place, she offered…Champagne! She popped the cork, we drank and talked and finished the bottle and slept very well. At the train station finally, she pushed some money into my hand. I sincerely tried to decline, but she insisted. I love my friends. They’re keeping me alive right now.

At my office around 11:30 Sunday, there was no word about a phone call. I waited. I sat around all afternoon and went home in the evening all sad and depressed.

CD Aunts and Grandmothers

Saturday the plan was going to the FoRCC roll call party with Daphne. I met her at South Station when she got off work at 3:00, we went back to her place. We got to RCC at 11:15. I was pretty frustrated, but couldn’t complain because I hadn’t communicated my wishes to her plainly enough. What I should have said is that I really hoped to get there early so as to have lots of time to seek out and get to know better some of my CD “aunts and grandmothers”—girls that are like a generation or two ahead of me in CD time. You know what I mean? You start going out as a new CD and you’re like a teenager. Wild and exuberant and daring and exploring and testing limits. You do that for a period—a year or two, I think, and then you move out of adolescence into your CD “young adulthood” you’ve got some social skills now, you’ve mastered your look and your personality, you might even have a reputation(!), but you probably haven’t quite found your place in the world. You might drift away from your first social circles, find new ones, you might go back to your roots. Then, if you’re lucky, you settle down in whatever part of the TG landscape feels best to you. Some of these girls were at RCC, and most of them I don’t know very well yet. Me, I’m kind of graduating from my teenage phase, I think, and looking for new horizons. I’d love to listen to wisdom of some of my elders at this point. *sigh*

So, 11:15 didn’t leave enough time for that. Vonnie was wonderful to me, as she has been. I had a nice time talking with Paula. She was so happy to realize that it was Daphne and I that were dating. Dianna, I stood and listened to her tell one story, and I gave her a hug goodnight when she left. That’s all I really wanted to hang around her more. Junie, I embarrassed myself in front of. It’s only been like four times that I’ve met her now, so I was pretty sure I knew who she was, but it was late, I’d had a couple of drinks, and I blurted out, “who are you?” “I’m June Casad”, she said in a very sincere voice and looking into my blurry eyes. *sigh* I think she knew I was struggling. Lace? I still don’t know who that is. I hear she was there. *sigh* Still just a name to me. Crap, crap, I’m still so bad at meeting people and getting to know them. < Oh, one girl I really liked meeting was Denise, but I just met her at the end of the night and was drunk and just got an introduction and a picture with her. I wish I knew how to contact her now. She looked so advanced in transition. Really, I can’t imagine her passing as a guy.

I liked seeing Amy Avalon there. I’d been thinking about her just recently. And then I didn’t get to talk to her except to say hello goodbye. I love her because so far, while I’ve been in my “teens” I’ve thought of her as being in the generation just ahead of me and I’ve looked up to her. She’s past her teens, and into that more sober phase of finding her place in the world. How do I know? Well, people tell stories of how she was just like me, going out every week, going dancing, and then she started appearing at fewer CD events. That when she did, she would show up with unshaved legs sometimes. I know I’ve seen her lots of different ways, from looking very finished and perfect, to…male mode! I’ve heard her talk about how she’s considered FFS, and thought hard about where she was and where she wanted to go next. Very cool stuff, and always, I’ve thought, facing just the sorts of issues that I’ll be facing myself before long. How did she look Saturday? In a very short and very flirty black skirt that was tiered and lacy. Like, how fun for a Saturday night with the girls?

Hmm, what else? Wendy and Natasha both bought me drinks. I talked with Terri for a bit. There was a Diane there that was a good friend of Terri’s. I said hello to Dahlia, Jonelle, Winnie, Mellisa, Nadia. Talked with Wendy, Erica, Danielle. Saw Dina leave looking very drunk. Ashley didn’t show up. Omg, not fair…I know there were lots of other girls I talked to but forgot to mention here.

Sunday with Daphne was about as lazy as a day gets. We napped, ate, napped, ate, and basically did nothing. It was nice. The weekend with Daphne was nice, but sadly with too much tension. Daphne and I both have money problems, roommate problems, and health problems. Both of us are kind of sick with worry about problems that we’re not dealing with well. Both of us are kind of wondering about our relationship together. With all that though, it was nice. It was a weekend together.

Happy Birthday…Vonnie

Much of Saturday (July 28) went to baking my birthday cake. Daphne had taken the initiative a couple of weeks earlier to announce on the FoRCC list that it was my birthday and that we would be celebrating this Saturday at the party at Randolph Country Club, and she went on to ask what I wanted for my birthday. I suppose I could have answered with humor, but I really didn’t want anyone to feel compelled to bring a gift or even a card, so I said that all I wanted was lemon cake. A few days ago then, I was thinking how no one was going to get me a cake, so I decided it would be fun and silly to bring my own cake.

The cake itself turned out ok. I made two 11×17 layers, made a lemon creme filling, iced it with a lemon icing. The icing was from a can but everything else was from scratch. Tony conveniently called in the afternoon and I was quick to ask him for a ride, so the problem of getting the cake there was solved.

At RCC fairly early, it was nice to have time to start the evening with a drink and then see everyone as they arrived. Vonnie arrived fairly early as well and I had a really nice time talking with her. There was a little time then when I walked away from the crowd and sat alone for a bit, but not for too long. There really were lots of people I wanted to socialize with and, unlike the last RCC party, this time I got to most of them. I did miss a few: I waved hello to Terri, but then never went back to talk with her. Also, Junie is one that I’ve barely traded introductions with, but who I think I would like to get to know better. We seem to have lots of common friends and they all speak so fondly of her. Once again, I spent all my time talking and didn’t dance a bit.

A little surprisingly, my cake ended up not being eaten well. I speculated that maybe people were there to drink and socialize and it was just weird to have a cake there. Also, you know, if was seriously trying to commandeer a party that wasn’t mine for the purpose of getting attention or something, that would be pretty weird too. I’m afraid Ashley kind of played into that a little when I gave her time to get the microphone and go up on stage and announce that we were celebrating my birthday, and then drag me up on stage as well. It would have been better to just cut the cake and leave a sign on the table that everyone was welcome to have a piece. And in retrospect, I could have handled it all better when I was given the microphone. I could have explained that for me, the birthday was all about the excuse to bake and eat a cake, but that I needed *lots* of help eating it, so please feel free to have a piece.

Worst of all, in retrospect, was discovering a couple of days later that it was Vonnie’s birthday as well. Oops. Big oops. *sigh* Call me an air head.

Best of all, was going home with Daphne at the end of the night.

I’m full time!

Yes, I’m still way behind on writing, but this news couldn’t wait. I’m full time now! I’m breaking all kinds of rules by updating my journal at work, but not by being dressed at work. Everything’s been discussed with everone, everyone’s been notified, so, here I am! I got hugs and kisses and congratulations from people, and when I got back from lunch there was a bouquet of roses for me. It’s a *really* happy day.

And, I hate doing this, but since I’m so far behind, here are my notes on what I should have written about:

More on Sunday: , Sheila, Terri from Fla, bubble bath, Jessica, phone, no trash.
Monday — MTPC, Flash’s, Ashley phone,
Tuesday — Uno male mode, Alex sleepover.
Wednesday — Eva, CBI, Miracle of Science, Middlesex, La Spina
Thursday — hesitant to go to Gender Crash, then went, Yuri’s night
Friday – Sisters, Xmortis
Saturday – sailing, new wig, Rise
Sunday – sleep, laundry, sleep
Monday – home at lunch time, Sharon
Tuesday – Court, Sharon, Alex, Johanna, Jessica, Dave, Work

Why are Sabrina and I the only ones who bothered to dress for Xmortis?

What happens at First Event, stays at First Event

Friday Sisters was great. I loved the interesting mix of people we had. We had no one very new to cross dressing but we had a few first time Sisters, a few relatively new to Sisters, one returning after a couple of months away from dressing, and a number of Sisters regulars. I loved meeting Mimi, who has been a CD in the Boston area for decades and who told stories going back farther than I had ever heard anyone tell. I’m hoping to hear lots of stories from her in the future. I think she was there with Deborah, who is fully transitioned and works as a family practice doctor right in Davis Square where I live! She could be my new doctor. How cool would that be? I understand that both Mimi and Deborah live near me there in Somerville as well. I said to them that we probably pass each other on the sidewalk all the time and we just never knew! Let’s see, who else is in the group photo that I remember?… Sabrina was cute in a Tinkerbell decorated t-shirt that she got at Walmart, worn with an urban-camo mini and white hose. I sat next to Terri from Florida, who was with us for the first time. I’m afraid I wasn’t as friendly to her as I should have been though. I don’t know why it was hard for me…I let myself be distracted with people I was more interested in and didn’t give her the attention I should have. *sigh* I’m learning. Jackie, whom I’d met at Natick, was at Sisters for the first time. It was fun to see her there and apparently completely comfortable, busily being friendly with everyone, even though she was new to the group and really still very new to being out in public. Jacinda was there! She said she was glad to be out again, but still she seemed in a kind of reserved mood. Lauren was there and also fitting right in. Other regulars there were me, Ashley, Wendy, Deedee, and Tony. Seen last by this group when it was GNO, Diamondique was there! She went around the table for introductions saying “I know you, I know you…” When she got to me she let out a little laugh, saying “I know you a little too well.” Everyone around me looked at me with their eyes wide. “You know Diamondique” they asked, thinking that she hadn’t been with our group since before my time. In fact…I’d have to review group photos to say for sure…but I think I first saw her in mid-July that very first time I came to GNO with Jessica. Anyway, I started to answer their questions with “Oh yes, Diamondique and I…” then I caught myself and said “well, let’s just say that what happens at First Event, stays at First Event.” I’m so bad, I know.

I hadn’t mentioned Eva yet. We’d traded a few emails before Friday and become friends and she came to my house to give me a ride that night. After the Sheraton, there was no organized group going out on the town and I went with Eva back to her hotel room in Watertown. It was so nice just to hang out and be girlfriends. We talked, listened to music, danced, took pictures, and just had simple, innocent, and perfect evening.