Sonia Keys

Public journal of daily life

Archive for March, 2009

Winter reading

Posted by Sonia on March 7, 2009

P1050951

I read a little bit, but truth is, not that much.  Sitting around at my mother’s house this winter though, I had more time on my hands than usual, and I read a few books I wouldn’t have read otherwise.  Books in the photo are some of them, not all.  I just looked around quickly and gathered some up for this photo.

Ok, honestly, I didn’t even read all of these.

“They Wrote on Clay,” I didn’t read.  Mom pulled that book off her shelf when we were talking about ancient writing and we glanced over it looking at the examples of cuneiform and talking about the differences between different cuneiform writings.

“The Story of the Clipper Ship” is a fast easy read.  It’s a fun little synopsis of the clipper ship era.  I’ve always loved clipper ships.  As a child I built a couple of those 3 ft Revell plastic models and at one time knew the names of all the sails.

“Guns, Germs, and Steel” is an amazing whirlwind tour and interpretation of the history of civilization.  It inspired lots of conversation with my mom, including the ones mentioned here about writing.

“Radical Knowing,” I tried, but just couldn’t get into it.  It’s philosophy, and I just haven’t figured out how to appreciate philosophy yet.

“Radical Evolution” is about the coming technological singularity.  I believe this stuff already, so the book was preaching to the choir with me.  It seemed a good book, but I was bored with the old news and didn’t read very far.

“Godel, Escher, Bach,” I read long ago and I loved it.  I pulled this one off the shelf during our discussion of writing because I remembered it had a page illustrating diverse scripts of different languages.

“Night and Low Light Digital Photography,” my mom picked for me at the library.  I was an interesting contrast to Jill Waterman’s book that I bought last year.  While both books talked about both technical and artistic aspects, this book focused more on the technical aspects.  I liked Jill’s book better.

“City In Time” was so engaging, I grabbed my mom and made her go through the book with me.  It is a book of pairs of photos, one historic, and one recent.

Peterson’s “Field Guide to Western Birds” is a classic.  No I didn’t read it cover to cover, but did dig through it a bit trying to identify birds we saw out the back window of the house.

“Jane Eyre,” required reading.  Wonderful book.  Just read it.

“The Other Boleyn Girl” was fascinating and a great read.  It’s history with a bit of conjecture, thus forcing it to be categorized “historical fiction” with the standard disclaimer that all persons are fictional.  It was also fun to find the movie version on cable tv while I was there.

“The Secret Life of Bees” was absolutely delightful.  Another one I highly recommend.

“The Law of Love” I read some time ago.  I pulled it out again to refresh my memory of the historical period.  This, after reading something in “Guns, Germs, and Steel” or perhaps after some conversation with my mom about the European conquest of the Americas.

“The Alchemist’s Daughter,” more empowering fiction.  Very good.

The two Boyd books, “My Husband Betty” and “She’s Not the Man I Married,” were fantastic.  Absolutely required reading for any married crossdresser, but highly, highy recommended for anyone interested in gender.

Of books not pictured here, most memorable was Michner’s “Chesapeake.”  Just wonderful.

Posted in Family, Gender, Movies, Photography | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

Low Point

Posted by Sonia on March 2, 2009

Just a little note that I am feeling more defeated than I ever have in my life. I do expect to die a long slow very horrible very painful death. Not some time in the future, but now. That’s “now” as in “in progress.”

Pain and misery started a year ago when I was suffering from then-undiagnosed cancer, was sent to jail, and lost my home. I have not since had the means to support myself, not had the means to hire lawyers who could get the law off of my back, and only about half of that time have had access to medical treatment for my cancer. I live with a raving lunatic (yes, literally raving–shouting nonsense 60 seconds per minute, x60×24x7×365, and yes, literally insane–incapable of meaningful social interaction with sane people, and incapable of caring for herself.)

I’m talking about J* here. She’s ADHD and OCD and doesn’t feed herself, bathe without prompting, wear clean clothes, sleep on clean sheets, or use clean towels. OCD means she rants about insignificant things in the world, displays indescribably bizarre behavior, and insists everyone around her appease her desires. She occasionally gets violent if anyone around her protests following her incessant and random whims.

This house is scary beyond belief. The whole structure slopes and leans at an alarming angle. It is the filthiest place I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s packed with clutter. I have no bed here. In the past I’ve slept in Jessica and Stacy’s filthy bed with them. I’m currently sleeping on a folding cot. Why do I live here? Because I have no money. My other choices have been homeless shelters, or jail, depending on whether or not I’ve had arrest warrants. Currently, the choice is jail. Neither a homeless shelter nor jail is an allowable residence to my employer. Basically I’ve lied to them for the last year, saying this is my residence. Basically I’ve lied to everyone saying this is my residence. I don’t claim this place as home and I never have. I hate this place. Jail was nicer. It was more sanitary, the food was better, the inmates smelled better, and they could carry on more intelligent conversation. Don’t get me wrong, jail is not a nice place. It’s just that this place is worse.

Jail I think is my only choice currently. I have no money to hire a lawyer to keep me out of jail. I know when I left Massachusetts, they wanted to give me a 120 day sentence. With out a lawyer to fight it, I expect them to give me that plus more.

My health is bad and I expect it to get worse in jail. The cancer doesn’t grow very fast, but I know it’s growing and I sense it. I don’t know how much I imagine and how much is real, but I know some of it is real. I developed a sore shoulder around the first of the year. No idea the cause of it. I can’t think of any way I could have possibly injured it. Having my hands handcuffed behind my back is going to cause lots of pain in this shoulder. Oh well. I expect worse pain is on the way as my health deteriorates.

I’m fucked. I am so fucked.

Posted in Lymphoma, Trouble | Leave a Comment »